Today was....

I cried 3 times today. I got in the shower this morning at 7:30 to start getting ready for school, and the water was luke warm, at best. I started shivering, then laughing, then crying. I got ahold of myself, finished my shower, got ready for school, and left. I got to school and the director introduced Lindsay and me to the school. Lindsay went and taught the high school kids and i went to teach 5th graders. my english teacher´s name is florinda, but come to find out, she isn´t the english teacher at all. she´s an art teacher that teaches english like 3 times a week to the younger kids, even though her english is at an extremely basic level. so we get into the 5th grade classroom, and its like walking into hell. the kids were insane. like no respect for anything or anyone. they were taking a test in english, but they were all walking around, looking at each other´s answers, making paper airplanes, and saying shit and fuck because those are the only 2 english words they apparently know. so i sat and watched the insanity, then helped florinda grade the tests, which were terrible. half the tests were blank, and like 2 or 3 were actually 1/2 correct. after that first period, i sat outside in the sun with florinda and helped her grade more papers. it was recess for some of the little kids, and they came up and just made fun of me for everything. then one little shit gets his milk carton and jumps on it, getting chocolate milk all over my legs and my stuff. florinda didnt even send the little bugger to the principal or anything. the lack of discipline leads to a complete lack of respect. its a terrible cycle. so i wandered around after that, and each classroom i´d walk by, the kids would open the windows and whistle, make kissy noises and say shit and fuck. awful. i locked myself in the bathroom and cried. then i went back and tried to work on some lesson plans, then went home for lunch. i called katie and of course, recapping made me cry again. my poor host sister was home and didn´t know what to say to help. she walked me back to school, then i taught with lindsay the rest of the day. her older kids were a little better, and actually cared to learn english. but, for example, she asked who in the class wanted to travel outside of chile and only 3 kids raised their hands. the campesino way of life is so stuck in these kids´ heads that there is honestly no way for me to help. i have never felt so useless in my life. i am going to finish this up, write the coordinator of the program and ask that i either work with lindsay, be transferred to maipu (a suburb of santiago, where there are 6 other volunteers in schools where the kids actually realize the importance of learning english) or go home. i´m trying so hard to make this work, but it is just too much. my sanity is more important than disrespectful little kids attempting to learn english. so, i hope tomorrow is better, but if not, i´m requesting to be transferred. i haven´t been getting many emails from any of u...i´d really appreciate it if u had time...